Barbie, ¿Que?

The Mattel Corporation, makers of Barbie, have produced an online poll asking people to vote on the next occupation of “teenage-fashion model doll” Barbie. Choices are “Environmentalist,” (although a doll made entirely out of plastic might be a poor spokesperson for this career), Surgeon, Architect, News Anchor, or, drumroll please: “Computer Engineer.”

Seriously.  Go vote for “Computer Engineer.” Whether you believe Barbie’s influence on young girls to be positive or negative, you cannot deny that there is an influence.  And Computer Engineer will go a long way towards correcting the “Math class is tough” version of Barbie.

But of course, Barbie wouldn’t be Barbie if she didn’t come with accessories.  In addition to the usual computer engineer accoutrements – laptop, pocket protector, jeans for crawling under desk, sneakers for getting around quickly, and a collection of slightly witty t-shirts (especially appropriate would be this one, for “self-rescuing princess”), may we humbly suggest the following:

  • Spray-On QoS
    • In this instance, QoS stands for “Quality of Suntan.”
  • “Five,” her new pet cat.
  • A freakishly monstrous third arm growing out of her neck.
    • For the three-way handshakes, of course.
  • TCP
    • Tea and Crumpets Party. With real lunch packets from Barbie’s new server.
  • A Perl Necklace
    • This gold-laced necklace extends to a small jewel containing a crystal image of a camel; with the words “#!/usr/bin/perl print “Hello, world!\n” wrapped around it.
  • Plasma Sword (Lucas owns the trademark on “lightsaber.”)
    • Because, let’s face it, there’s always a plasma sword hanging around a computer engineer’s office somewhere.
  • Ethernet Hair Spray
    • A geeky version of Aquanet to keep Barbie’s hair voluminous even at 3am in the datacenter.
  • Barbie’s Dream Datacenter
    • The entire 3-story Dream Datacenter is over 3 feet tall and fully furnished
    • Realistic sounds like the humming of big iron and air conditioning, thousands of hard drives reading, and a diesel generator.
    • Gourmet-style vending machine with plenty of storage comes with all the popular conveniences
    • The third story has a portable ship container, removable for on-the-go complete datacenter play
    • Raised flooring
    • A password station and biometric scanner, which prevents cheap Barbie knock-offs from entering the facility.
  • End User Ken

Of course, Barbie already has a leg up. We’re just getting into virtualization now, but Barbie has been living a virtual life in a virtual world since the 1960s.

One Response to Barbie, ¿Que?

  1. Andrea January 12, 2010 at 6:55 pm #

    You outdid yourself on this one Brian. And you wonder why they put you in the marketing department.